Friend or Unfriend? The Quagmire of Social Networking

Let me just say I like Facebook. It's very handy for keeping loosely in touch with my friends. Even if they are thousands of miles away, eight hours ahead or eight hours behind, I can still track the big and small happenings in their lives through Facebook, roughly in real time. I get to find out what my friend made for last night's dinner or see her new haircut or follow her on vacation through status updates and pictures. That's pretty cool!

However--and you know there's a "however" coming, don't you?--I am not in it because I want to "network" and meet thousands of new people, which I think, is the primary purpose for most people on Facebook. I'm just not into this "social networking" business. From time to time, I'd get friend requests from people I've never heard of or spoken to, online or offline. I think the proper thing to do, if you're somewhat sociable, is to find out if that person already knows some of your friends, and if so, he or she is in. The problem is I have some very sociable friends, who happen to have thousands of Facebook friends whom they've never met either. "Who cares?" you say. Well, to begin with, it adds to my Facebook time. The more people I have on my friends list, the more status updates I have to read, the more pages I have to scroll through each time I want to find out what's happening with my friends--the real ones I actually do care about. It became a problem when I realized I was spending at least thirty-minutes each morning just scrolling through Facebook updates. But the ones who truly bother me are those who want to befriend me but never bother interacting with me in any way. No notes, no comments, no likes, nothing. Sometimes I think they befriend me only to get at my friends list so they can go and find more friends. Either that or they signed on one day and never bothered to get on Facebook again. Either way, it defeats the purpose, and I don't need to have them on my list.

I think the real dilemma for a relatively introverted and private person like me is that Facebook forces me to say yea or nay towards complete strangers whom I wouldn't really have to make any decisions about in real life. In real life, they will never be my "friends". We will never go out for coffee or chat on the phone. In real life, we wouldn't even nod in acknowledgement had we passed each other on the street, but on Facebook all is fair game: I could be their most frequent status updater! All they need to do is click on that friend request button. It takes no effort at all, and no commitment, either.

Don't get me wrong. I have made a few great friends on Facebook, people I hope to meet in person someday. So, yes, I am willing to take chances, and I am not altogether anti-social. However, I think it's reasonable that people introduce themselves first with a message or something before requesting to be your friend, especially if they can reasonably assume that you have never heard of them before. And once accepted as a friend, they really should interact with you: make comments, "like" something, just act like a friend somehow.

Recently, I've bumped a few people off my friends list--not because I disliked them or we had a fall-out. I simply unfriended them because I don't want to burden them with my status updates if they don't care to know. Face it, if you have not commented on my wall or "liked" any of my updates, you really don't care to interact with me on Facebook. So it's no big loss for either of us if we "break it off" in cyberspace. If I actually know you in person, we can still say hi and smile. It's nothing personal, you see. Keeping a long list of friends on Facebook without actual relationships bothers me. So after nearly two years of "trial period" I said goodbye to some "friends". They might get offended, I know, if they suddenly discovered one day that I've unfriended them. But I hope they don't. Facebook shouldn't be a burden that way. And if I choose not to accept someone as a friend on Facebook, it's nothing personal either. I just prefer a proper introduction. That's all. Life is complicated enough as it is.