Why I Won't Hire a Full-Time Domestic Helper

Recently I made a cultural faux pas in my Thursday ladies' Bible study class. For an ice-breaker question at each table, I asked the ladies, "What is your least favorite cleaning task?" The women stared back at me with a blank look on their faces.

It took me a few minutes to surmise that most of these women probably do not clean their homes at all, because they have full-time domestic helpers to do all their cleaning chores for them. One sweet and well-intentioned lady actually suggested to me that I should get "one". "It's not very expensive," she said.

It was not the first time someone had suggested the idea to me, nor will it be the last. I go to a church where having domestic helpers is the norm among the ethnic Chinese families. My adamant refusal to fall into line is seen as unconventional--rebellious, even. I cannot go out to lunch with the ladies in the middle of a weekday because I actually have responsibilities back home. "Have you thought of getting a helper?" they would always ask, implying that it will set me free from all the inconveniences of having to take care of my children. I have also been approached, more than once, by one of the Filipino ladies in our congregation. "Do you need a helper?" she asked. I suppose she was looking for employment, and I felt bad that I really couldn't contemplate hiring her.

Why do I feel so strongly against hiring a full-time helper? Do I think it's morally wrong to do such a thing? Well, the answer is complicated.

First, let me just say that I do not wish to criticize or implicate those who do have full-time helpers. They all have their reasons for doing what they do. Some women have full-time jobs. Others may have health problems or physical impediments. Others may find the challenges of taking care of a family in Hong Kong too physically demanding and time-consuming (which I whole-heartedly agree with, see my older blogs on grocery shopping and laundry). And, to be honest, they are fulfilling the needs of the domestic helpers in a far more immediate and direct way than I am. After all, these helpers would not be here if they didn't need the money. In that sense, the employers of domestic helpers are acting as a direct solution to the problem of poverty in another country.

Nevertheless, I find it hard to reconcile myself to becoming a part of this system.

First of all, I would feel guilty for becoming the beneficiary of an unfortunate situation. The poverty that drives the women from the Philippines and Indonesia, leaving behind their homeland, their husbands, children, and extended family, to come overseas is very tragic. I find it difficult to be involved in a system that separates husbands from wives, mothers from children, because of financial hardship. I have heard tell stories of marital problems and divorces because of these extended periods of separation.

Furthermore, I believe--and this is purely based on anecdotal evidence--that once you become part of the system, it necessarily polarizes your sympathies and judgement. I am an unbiased outsider. I can sympathize with the plight of the women who live at their employers' homes (sometimes without even a private bedroom of their own), working around the clock six days a week, and sometimes even on Sundays. Their freedom is restricted, and their privacy during the week non-existent. When you become an employer, your sympathies must side with the employers. It is much harder to see things clearly, because everything becomes a trade-off against your personal benefits. A friend of mine, who has gone through several domestic helpers, is distrustful of domestic helpers in general (as one had stolen from her before). Though an outspoken Christian, she cannot bring herself to fight for the cause of the domestic helpers. Being an employer, she is far more concerned about protecting her own rights.

Another friend of mine once told me, "I can very well go make a cup of tea for myself, but it is so easy to just sit and have it brought to me." I can still picture her guilty smile. "It is so easy to get used to having someone serve you," she said. Another major objection I have to hiring full-time domestic helpers is that it fosters our laziness. We are all fallen human beings. Though we do not consciously take advantage of others, we do--and will--do so unconsciously if the situation allows. I have no doubt that if I had a domestic help who is at my beck-and-call, I will easily slip into that habit of being a pampered princess. Needless to say, the system of hiring domestic helpers has already nurtured a whole generation of extremely spoiled youngsters, who will not pick up their own socks, carry their own backpacks, or hold up their own umbrellas in the rain (all these are stories told to me by eyewitnesses). I encounter such brats everyday on the trains and in the shopping malls of Hong Kong. Given the chance to be lazy, we will all do so gladly.

But you say, "So? What is the downside of that?" Besides the obvious reasons that I won't bother listing, there is one important spiritual problem. Laziness is a sin. Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but I want to begin my argument here. The Bible speaks against loafers, those who do not work but want to take advantage of others. Although in the present situation, the loafer legitimately pays someone in order to be lazy, it does not change the fact that each person should bear his/her own burden of the labor necessary to sustain his/her existence on earth. Work is a God-given calling to all mankind. That's what we were created to do in the Garden of Eden. The menial tasks required of us to sustain our own lives should be carried out, for the most part, by us, if we are capable of them. Although I hate cleaning my own house, and I'd gladly pay someone to come once a week to do a major cleaning, I do see the spiritual value in exerting ourselves in physical, menial tasks*. It reminds us we are human beings, and it puts us on equal footing with our fellowmen. Those who never stoop to do a menial task pretty soon assume a loftier self-regard above others who do. It is only human nature, and we see it all too clearly-evidenced in our young people's attitude of self-importance and entitlement and their blatant disregard for others, especially those they consider to be "lower in their station in life."

When I go up on the roof to hang laundry, I can chat with the Filipino ladies who happen to work in my building. We are fellow workers laboring side-by-side, and we share the scorching sun as well as the blustery wind with each other. I like that sense of camaraderie. This brings me to my last point. In Christ, there is not only the sharing of bread and cup among the believers, there must be the sharing of real life experiences, of suffering, of labor, and of life's happiness and sorrow. There needs to be empathy among believers. A Filipino lady, who is a full-time church caretaker, tells me she gets work dumped on her by every other member in the church (most of them do not have the right to dictate instructions to her), but because these members are so used to ordering their domestic helpers around, they do not think twice in carrying their habits into the church. Thus, even within the church setting, there is a division of labor--not of the pretty sort. When I see her tear-stained face, I feel guilty, because I share in the ignorance and callousness of my fellow believers in mistreating her. I want to share her burden, which is too heavy for one person to carry. Empathy and love come from identifying ourselves with one another, to put ourselves in their place. Because of the plight of my fellow Filipino believers, I will not hire one of them and become an accidental and unintentional instigator of their suffering.

As you see, my reasons for not wanting to hire a full-time domestic helper has nothing to do with the domestic helpers themselves, but everything to do with me. By becoming a beneficiary to their suffering, I will participate in breaking up their homes and lose the incentive to speak out for their rights. I will inevitably become lazy and lose touch with humanity and become puffed up, as Apostle Paul would say. And finally, I will lose the ability to empathize and share the sorrow with fellow believers. It is my weakness I'm guarding against.

Having said all this, I do recognize that in the Bible times, there were plenty of Christian households with servants and slaves. Apostle Paul did not speak against such a system, neither did he condemn the masters. He simply exhorted them all to work, as if serving their Lord, Jesus Christ. However, there are significant differences between the servants in Biblical times and the domestic helpers in Hong Kong. As I said, I will not criticize the people involved in the system; they each have their own rationale for doing what they do.** Still, there are good reasons for me to guard against being part of it. But just how do I explain all this the next time someone asks, "Have you thought about getting a helper?"



*To my dear husband and children: In case you are reading this and find it tempting to heap loads of spirituality on me by leaving me with all the menial house chores, remember that I love you and have no intention of hoarding all the blessings of God this way. It is part of my duty in the Lord to make sure that you all grow equally in Christ through the discipline of work.
**If I sound self-righteous or judgmental, please believe that I truly think each man is responsible to act according to his own conscience, and here, accurate or not, are the raw, unfiltered bits and pieces of reasonings that bubble up in the waters of my conscience. I do not judge anyone's conduct by my conscience; I only judge my own.