I think there might be some general agreement among Sam's colleagues that my social life or the lack thereof might be a cause for concern. Within a month, I've been asked twice by two separate persons about my social life.
The first time was at a dinner at my house. I'd invited a couple of Sam's colleagues over for dinner since both of their wives were out of town. Over dinner, one of them asked me, just out of the blue, if I'd managed to make any friends at church or anywhere else. I had to do a bit of explaining. Yes and no. Yes, I DO have friends. No, I'm not part of a small group of any kind. But it felt awkward having to defend the status of my social life in front of Sam's coworkers, though I had become good friends with their wives.
A couple of days ago, a similar question came up again from another of Sam's colleagues. This time, it was in an elevator, a short ride of three floors. However, from his question, "Do you have many friends at church?" I could infer two possibilities: 1) Do you have any friends at all? or 2) You seem to have an active social life. "Well... yes, some friends..." I stuttered out an answer. Then he asked or rather commented that I have a network outside of church as well. "Yes... kind of..." was my confused answer.
I'm left wondering if my social life or the lack thereof is a topic that comes up from time to time, since it does seem to pop up rather often and randomly in the oddest of conversations. Are people shaking their heads saying, "Poor woman, all cooped up in her little apartment all day. She must be bored out of her wits..." or "How does she manage to make friends at all without knowing Cantonese?" or "She must be so lonely--that's probably why she's baking cookies for the office staff and volunteering to tutor her neighbor's kid in English..."
I guess I should feel grateful and happy that people are concerned for my well-being. Still, they might be seeing some things I don't. Am I exhibiting signs of alienation? Am I going downstairs too often in my sweatpants, without any makeup, my hair in a mess? Am I acting too needy, too available--too leisurely or too idle, uncharacteristic of Hong Kong's upstanding citizenry?
I don't care, really. It's just odd. That's all.
3 comments:
I'm asked these kinds of question all the time. "Do you have friends to hang out with? Do you do anything besides work?" I've always chalked it up to singleness: in a family-oriented society, locals cannot imagine my existence apart from an anchoring family. Or maybe they simply ask because I'm a foreigner. Regardless, it inevitably leads to awkward conversations.
Well, anyway, you and I are friends.
You're lucky. We have friends that ask my hubby (in front of me) "How he puts up with me" (it's happened more than once.) I really question my ability to be a Psalm 31 woman. Oh well...that's who I am.
You should tell them a family of Littles live in your apartment walls, and you have tea with them regularly. :) :)
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