This is probably the longest stretch of time in which I have not written a word. Leaving for full-time work for the first time in sixteen years (and one that requires a 90-minute commute into downtown) has created no small amount of disturbance in what used to be a laid-back rural family with two kids and two cats, who have never known a day without Mom being around or at least within easy reach. For me, my recurring dream (of returning to work) and nightmare (of not being able to care for my children) have both become reality overnight.
Other people do this all the time. That is what I keep saying to myself. Somehow, most women hold down a job, commute to and from work, and still find time to shop for groceries, feed the family, keep the house clean, sing in the church choir, and maybe even attend the PTA. For me, it was all I could do to curl up on the sofa every night and play a mindless computer game and then roll into bed.
You'll get used to the routine, and things will get easier. That is the other thing I tell myself. The kids will learn to cook, do laundry, and maybe pick up after themselves. The cats will learn to sort themselves out when they fight. Dust will learn to gather in the bin or become invisible. And I will learn to gather all my things--glasses, umbrella, gloves, iPod--before getting off the bus.
You should write some of these new experiences down. I've been wanting to write and finding little time after playing the mindless computer game. Reflection and the effort to be coherent takes too much energy.
Still, we are making progress. I am writing my first blog entry in months. My husband and kids are making dinner. And yes, dust around the house is becoming invisible. I think we'll come through the atmosphere, make a good splash in the Pacific Ocean, and be okay.