Saturday, August 3, 2013

Remembering How to Write

Nearly a year ago, I decided to dismantle my blog, not because I no longer wished to write, but because I suddenly felt exposed and vulnerable, knowing just how much of my personal life and private thoughts were out there on display.

It had begun as a way to keep myself tethered to my homeland and my friends as I began a trans-Pacific move I thought might be permanent. However, over the next three years, I saw a shift in my readership, from close friends to strangers, from those who continuously gave me feedback to those who lurked in the murky grayness of cyberspace. For a private person like me, it is a very uncomfortable feeling to know--and most of the time not know--just who have been reading my diary of sorts. Yes, my blog had in some sense turned into a diary.

And yet, I feel encouraged at the same time that after a whole year of inactivity,  my blog is still at the top of the google search list for "Helen's Random Thoughts". I am that Helen whose random thoughts gets read by more people than any other Helen's. I know this distinction seems trivial and silly, and it is, but something inside tells me I've abandoned a living thing in the ashes. And it's sad. The ideas, the body of reflections, recollections, and images had a power of its own, and it reached and touched persons in ways I had not imagined. I felt like I had squashed something wild but living, something that had been valued and enjoyed by some.

So, here I go, trying to recapture the muse again. I may or may not succeed. But feel free to comment or lurk. Feeling vulnerable is not altogether the worst, and I'm learning to overcome that.


Nancy said...

Welcome back, Friend! I've missed you.

Ivan said...

Looking forward to your posts.

adf said...

Welcome back!

Helen Bratko said...

Thanks for the post. Keep writing!